(In which I share my wisdom and write what I want, and you can either ignore it, or be smart and learn!)
The following information is more important than you might realize. Unlawful use of apostrophes will soon be a capital crime.
As a public service, in keeping with our commitment to protect the urbane and literate members of western civilization, we offer the following warning…er…corrective regarding apostrophe’ use–or more accurately, misuse.
Which of the following sample sentences are incorrect?
I really want to go. How many car’s should we take?
I love it when a garage sale has lot’s of good stuff.
My favorite animal’s are wombat’s.
All the teacher’s at s’chool s’hared lunche’s with their ‘s’tu’d’ent’s’.’
If you answered number three, you are right. Wombats aren’t anybody’s favorite animal!
No, really, all the above examples are a display of apostrophe’ misuse–especially the fourth, which appears to have been written by an inebriated buffalo.
But they are all atrocious. So pay attention:
DO NOT USE THE APOSTROPHE TO MAKE A WORD PLURAL! IF YOU ARE IN THE HABIT OF DOING IT, FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THAT IS DECENT, CEASE!
GET PROFESSIONAL HELP IF YOU MUST, BUT STOP NOW.
rOne of the uses of the apostrophe is to indicate possession (no, not the demonic kind).
Since we are going to the store, why not take Bob’s car?
Uh, that is the dog’s bone you are chewing on.
See? The car belongs to Bob.
Why are you eating a bone off the floor? Anyway, it belongs to the dog.
So, let us review:
If there are several people named Bob: Look at all the Bobs.
If there is only one Bob, and he has a car: That is Bob’s car.
If a pack of canines runs through your yard: Uh oh. Those dogs look hungry.
If you are chewing a pre-gnawed bone: Hey stupid! Get your own. That is the dog’s!
So, that is enough pedagogy for now, but be sure to study the above. There will be a quiz.
In the meantime, start using them correctly:
Looking for Something Good to Read?
(Aren’t we Always?)
These are the ten best books I read in 2018. They are not new books released last year; they just happen to be the books I read and enjoyed most and was moved by (for whatever reason).
Saint Julian Walter Wangerin Jr.
Chance or the Dance? Thomas Howard
Dancing on the Head of a Pen Robert Benson
The Devil Walks in Mattingly Billy Coffey
Astonished—Recapturing the Wonder, Awe, and Mystery of Life With God Mike Erre
The Revenant Michael Punke
The Story of Reality Greg Koukl
Who Ate Lunch With Abraham? Asher Intrater
St. Francis of Assisi G.K. Chesterton
The Reckless Love of God Alex Early
Steal Away Home Matt Carter & Aaron Ivey
Above the Waterfall Ron Rash
The Curse of Crow Hollow Billy Coffey
That Hideous Strength C.S. Lewis
Eats, Shoots & Leaves Lynne Truss